“If you don't learn constantly, you don't grow, and you will wither. Too many people wither on the vine. Sure, it gets a little harder as you get older, but new experiences and new challenges keep it fresh.” —Iris Apfel
Midlife. It's a term that often comes loaded with stereotypes and expectations. But here, let’s redefine it. It's our time of vibrancy, reinvention, and growth. It’s about embracing change, honoring our past, and crafting a future that resonates with who we truly are at this time in our lives.
As mentioned in your introduction post, I’ll share an assortment of midlife inspiration in this newsletter. This month’s includes life lately, a ballet journey crisis of confidence, the joy of reconnecting with childhood passions, and a well-being practice of box breathing.
I hope you enjoy our inaugural edition of Midlife Musings. I’m so happy you’re here!
Life Lately: A Peek Inside
Please join me in taking a pause to consider your own life lately highlights and challenges.
What I’m working on:
Recording Year of Tranquility digital course (coming soon) and Coterie masterclasses plus Salon monthly tranquility tools
New website coming this spring (thanks to my fabulous designer)
This new Substack (welcome!)
Ballet performances
What I’m loving:
Pink blooms popping up around the city
Seeing live ballet and jazz
Daily soaks in the tub with Dr. Teal’s Epsom salts
What I’m consuming:
Read my first fiction book in two years, The House Across the Lake
Reading A Colorful Way of Living by Barbara Bradley Baekgaard (Coterie’s March book club pick) and Cal Newport’s new book Slow Productivity
Green smoothies and almond croissants
The Oprah Daily magazine about menopause
Pots of Swan Lake tea (green tea with violet and rose)
Air Supply’s greatest hits (don’t judge—ha!)
What I’m wearing:
Sparkly hair barrettes
Maybelline’s Super Stay Matte Ink #325 “Shot Caller”
Bodysuit, tights, and sweater pants for ballet
What I’m noticing:
Waves of grief over the loss of sweet Gizmo
Aching hip (need a third surgery)
A sense of spaciousness (wrote about it here)
Brain fog and longing to rest
Ballet Journey: A Crisis of Confidence
A reminder to put yourself out there even when confidence wanes
One Saturday mid-February, I started my weekend by meeting up with a friend. We sipped lattes and discussed the challenges of caring for special needs senior dogs, our various physical and emotional midlife changes, and how we balance pizza with green smoothies. This brunch date was the precursor to an audition at The Washington Ballet for an adult ballet performance happening in June.
After we said our goodbyes, I sprinted home with hopes of turning myself into a ballerina. I started with a bodysuit topped with black tights, a boy short layer and thin sweater. Next, I turned to working on the bun. It took six bobby pins, a hair net, ten pins into the bun, and an extra mirror to make sure it was all intact.
During the 15-minute drive to the ballet studio, I blasted Air Supply and arrived early feeling somewhat confident. I signed in, was handed a number that I erroneously pinned onto my chest rather than below it, and warmed up in the hallway.
The audition started with the eight positions of ballet and I floundered. Sure it’s a basic that we often do in the center after barre, but I’ve never gone from one to the other on command like that. Not the best start.
We moved onto pirouettes (turning on one leg) from fourth position, got it. Then holding an arabesque (balancing on one leg), got it. Then running across the floor doing a variety of moves that ended in a grand jeté (one leg out, then the other in a jump). I landed funny on my left leg, jammed my new hip and took a moment to let the pain wash through my left side while gripping a barre to regain composure.
Next we did piqué turns into chaînés. I’m working on this sequence with my private teacher for the La Vie en Rose solo to perform at this summer’s International Adult Ballet Festival, but my confidence had waned. Like left the building.
The teacher then taught a combo that I followed for a bit, then couldn’t get the steps and fell behind happy to hide behind the other dancers as we moved across the floor in a big cluster.
I left the audition feeling disappointed. I also tried to remind myself that I’d had less than five in-studio classes with combos across the floor since 2020. Despite daily ballet at home, I was rusty with larger movements.
Although I passed the audition, my confidence remained at a low point. After I was accepted, I took an online class with my main teacher, struggled throughout, and Facetimed Tim in tears. Big tears.
“What’s wrong?!”
“I’m bad at ballet!,” I said as I wiped the tears away. I could tell he was a bit relieved that it wasn’t a “real” emergency.
He listened to me whine, said all the right things, and I went to bed feeling sorry for myself. And defeated.
Despite six years of regular ballet (nearly daily the past four years), private instruction, performances, and awards, I felt like a deflated ballet balloon.
We’ve had three rehearsals so far and one went smoothly. The other two, not my strongest. For some reason, basic moves that I’ve performed reversed and en pointe on a stage, I’m struggling with in the studio. I’m a slow learner and processor with choreography, but also a diligent student who will practice and practice to refine.
Since the audition, I’ve had bad dreams where I’m asked to leave rehearsals because I’m not getting it quickly enough, don’t have the skill, or lack something else important.
It’s been interesting to observe the past month’s roller coaster over something that has been my happy place. Sure, I’ve struggled during my ballet journey, but I’ve also come out feeling (mostly-ish) okay.
This time, it feels more mental than physical and brings me back to seventh grade special honors math class when I should have been in a remedial setting. All I would hear is “wah wah wah” from the teacher’s instructions. Ever had that experience?
In The Ballerina Mindset, author and New York City Ballet principal dancer Megan Fairchild writes, “To make up for my lack of confidence during my early years as a principal, I often just pretended to be the ballerinas I admired . . . When you’re just starting out, I think it’s okay to trick yourself this way if it helps you feel more confident.”
Honestly, I’m open to whatever it takes to feel more at ease and embrace the joy of dance. Embodying the confidence of someone else when mine wanes sounds like a great plan.
I’m also noticing that truly feeling confident in midlife is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, where we can learn to embrace our strengths, acknowledge our vulnerabilities, and step boldly into the next chapter of our lives.
May we stand tall, knowing that our potential is limitless even if we miss the steps, feel behind, and long for a remedial version of the experience. By reconnecting with my inner child who loved ballet (see baby ballerina below), I can also remember what draws me to the barre.
Midlife Inspiration: Play
A nudge toward connecting with what brings you joy
In addition to a love of ballet, I also became obsessed with apes during childhood. My parents would give me stuffed orangutans, picture books, and stories about gorillas like Koko who used signed language and asked for a kitten.
During my senior year of college I was gifted an annual pass to the Oklahoma City annual zoo and always headed straight for the ape house—particularly fond of a baby orangutan named Mango (who I’ve tracked down at a Texas zoo, now 30 years old). I’d drag a friend up for regular visits, snap heaps of photos with the glare of the glass caught by the flash, and head back my to college life with a skip in my step. More alive. And filled with joy.
For years I’ve supported Red Apes, interviewed the founder on my podcast years ago, and adopt numerous orangutans annually (adopt yours here). On March 15, I’ll be on a flight to an orangutan sanctuary in Borneo (36 hours of travel!) hosted by another charity I support, Borneo Orangutan Survival, to meet rescued and orphaned orangutans, plant trees, and support their conservation. Follow along on Instagram where I’ll be sure to post lots of orangutan and jungle life eye candy!
Why am I sharing this? Because I believe that it’s important for us to do more of what brings us joy. Life is filled with to-dos, appointments, obligations—you know, all the “adulting.” While sitting on a midlife panel hosted by The Empress recently, one thing that kept coming up was feeling a lack of play.
It pains me to think how quickly life can become a pattern of rinse and repeat without joy. I mean, it’s one more thing to add to the to-do list, “experience joy.” And, yet, it’s a beautiful way to stay connected to our inner child, to a state of wonder, and to a sense of hope.
My wish is for us to pause and embrace the simple joys that nourish our souls. In this sacred chapter of life, it’s essential to prioritize activities that ignite the spark of joy within us. Whether it's savoring a leisurely cuppa tea in the morning sunlight, immersing ourselves in the vibrant colors of a Bonnard painting, or dancing freely under the moonlit sky, by intentionally cultivating joy in our daily lives, we honor the beauty of our journey.
Consider what lit you up in the past—activities (or animals) that brought you joy without hesitation or apology. Engage in hobbies, adventures, and experiences that awaken your senses and ignite your passion for life. Whether it's exploring new landscapes, delving into creative pursuits, or simply spending quality time with loved ones, let joy be your guiding compass in midlife. Nurturing your spirit with moments of pure joy is not a luxury but a necessity for your well-being and soul's journey.
And that, my love, is what I hope to do in Borneo next week!
Well-Being: Box Breathing
A quick way to find tranquility during a busy day
When you can take a few minutes to pause, join me in exploring the gentle art of box breathing, a simple yet powerful technique for finding tranquility in the moment.
As you repeat this rhythmic pattern, feel yourself sinking deeper into a state of relaxation and clarity, connecting with the quiet wisdom that resides within.
Box breathing offers a pathway to inner harmony, helping you navigate life's challenges with grace and ease.
You’ll find more tranquility tools over on the Tranquility du Jour YouTube channel!